A Technical Hitch
by Ashy
Summary: LAST PART as yet: Sally and Wufei accidently scupper Heero's and Duo's rotten scheme! Looks like they're getting the last laugh!
1. Prologue ;-)

A Technical Hitch   
By Ashy   
  
  
*~Prologue~*  
  
  
A.N: This is kinda, well...very short, it's just setting the scene, really. The other parts are longer...  
  
*******   
  
It was supposed to be a secret. Top secret. So far...so good. The couple dimmed the lights in apartment 56 - the one belonging to Sally Po. It smelt deliciously of incense, and aromatic candles decorated almost every visible surface in the bathroom, not to mention the bedroom which was laden with and roses and expensive champagne.  
  
Of course, no-one else knew of this. As far as the rest of the world knew, poor Sally was sitting alone reflecting on the meaning of life...and death. She had supposedly opted to attend a funeral earlier that day for her distant uncle who had apparently died of 'lack of oxygen to the brain'. And her 'close' colleague Chang Wufei had so chivalrously nominated himself to accompany her on this sombre occasion.  
  
Wufei hadn't been too happy at compromising his usual forth-right honesty, yet Sally had explained they needed to act now as she couldn't wait for this any longer, and the two were not entitled to any more holiday time for at least another seven months. Seven months of being unable to have what she - what both of them - knew they really wanted. No way. The time must be now. Sally, with much deliberation, had finally reached the conclusion and proposed it to Wufei; it was either his integrity or her. And thank goodness he'd chosen her....  
  
So the two had set off cautiously that morning in Wufei's newly washed car, knowing that as far as anyone knew, their destination was a funeral. Wufei was clad in a smart newly-pressed black suit, hair neatly oiled and tied back in it's usual ponytail. And Sally was wearing a black trench coat. Only underneath was a very attractive white skirt and jacket, not to mention shimmering tights and white high-heeled shoes. That's right - white. And should a little bird (with X-ray vision) flying overhead of the car have looked very closely, he'd have spotted a splendid bouquet of red roses nestled under an old military map on the back seat.  
  
A little way into the journey, the driver of the car took a supposed 'wrong turn' and arrived at a small chapel (at which there was no funeral), swerving appallingly into the parking lot with a frenzy of squealing tyres and a cloud of dust.   
  
Wufei, sword in hand, leaped out of the vehicle, and managed to harass a meek member of the public to perform the role of a witness. Being considerate to weaklings wasn't on the agenda today. He further managed, with the help of his trusty katana, to get the desired response from the initially unwilling priest. And so, within the hour, Wufei and Sally were - as meticulously planned - married.  
  
But perhaps some extra vows should have been added to the service by this particular reluctant priest. Perhaps this ceremony should have included, 'In sickness and health,' 'for richer for poorer' and...... 'for wedding night or NO wedding night'. Had either Sally or Wufei considered this in all their haste, they may have done the wise thing and booked a hotel......  
  
***  
Okay, on with the fic itself...........bear with me here....^_^;;   
  
  



	2. Part 1 :-)

A Technical Hitch   
By Ashy   
  
  
*~Part 1~*   
  
Later on that evening   
  
"Lady Une is going to see we mean business," Sally declared as she downed another glass of wine. "If she doesn't agree with marriage between Preventer partners, she's going to see how THIS marriage works!"  
  
Wufei, for all his former 'I don't drink' malarkey, was already on his third glass. "Yeah," he said between sips, "Zechs and Noin were lucky - they were married on Mars before they came back to the Preventers."  
  
"And you see how they argue over finance, over Zechs missing the toilet and not wiping the seat, over who's turn it is to make the beds...... over Noin burning dinner, and ON TOP of that they have reports, missions and paperwork to contend with. Seriously, we can hear it from the next office. No wonder it puts a strain on their work....I can see where Une's coming from when she discourages marriage between colleagues," Sally said with a sigh.   
  
"She'd ask one of us to leave if she knew we'd done this behind her back," Wufei replied evenly. "What was I telling you about integrity?"  
  
"But she isn't_going_to_know," Sally replied with a smirk, wrapping her arms around her husband's neck and kissing his ear, "Because we're gonna tell her you're moving in with me as my 'friend' and renting your apartment out to new recruits. And we're not going to argue about stupid stuff, are we? And when it finally hits home that we're man and wife, she's going to see she's been silly all along to prohibit it. And then we'll be able to wear our wedding rings. If anyone can do this properly, Sally can."  
  
"Yeah, you always were more competent than Noin," Wufei replied with a satisfied snort. "Though you're not exactly modest."  
  
"Says you," Sally chuckled, sliding her fingers around his silk tie and gently tugging it off. "Mr Chauvinist, come on, let's make the most of our time alone..." She grinned coyly and her blue eyes glinted with that cunning sparkle the Chinese man could never resist. After all, she was his wife. And be it a rather unconventional one, this was their wedding night.  
  
"Anything for you, woman," he answered slyly. "Though shouldn't we take this out of the kitchen?"  
  
"Be my guest," Sally replied, bounding forcefully into his muscular arms and thrusting her face into his.  
  
The sudden sound of loud, confident knocks on the front door disturbed the couples' eager kiss. Already staggering under the sudden weight of Sally, Wufei accidentally dropped her, to which she responded with a pained yelp.  
  
"Who could that be?" he demanded, narrowing his ebony eyes. He was obviously irked by the interruption which had occurred. Sally, however, managed to at least appear to retain her calm composure, even though it was a little difficult as she was sprawled in an undignified manner on the kitchen floor.   
  
"I ought to get the door," she mumbled, rising to her feet. "We can't just leave whoever it is standing there..."  
  
"No! Don't. Just ignore it," Wufei insisted, "It's probably just some salesman...they pick the worst times to call round, don't they? I still say we should have booked a hotel room..."  
  
Sally turned on him, before reaching for the door; "No. You know very well why we didn't. We told everyone else we were attending a funeral for my uncle...and I don't even have an uncle. I think they'd find it slightly odd that we suddenly decided to have a little 'honeymoon' while we were there. I said I'd only be needing one day off work. Any longer and Une wouldn't have let you accompany me - and I could marry myself could I?"  
  
The impudent knocks persisted and Wufei became more agitated, as he stalked off into the lounge. He sensibly took all evidence of the wine they were sharing with him....down his neck, that is. "Hn. Well get it and be quick...oh, and button up your - "  
  
His wife wasn't paying attention. She'd already tugged open the door with haste, to hopefully get rid of the intruder as swiftly as possible.  
  
"How can I help you...?" Sally's words trailed off as she caught sight of the individual - make that the rather dirty individual standing casually on her doorstep in a black sports tracksuit. He had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder. The guy gestured to his grimy face, caked in mud, and the matted mane of hair hanging in a braid down his back, also covered in the most undesirable filth.   
  
He grinned; "I could use a bath."   
  
Sally's eyes narrowed as she surveyed him. "Duo Maxwell, may I suggest you go to your own apartment and take a shower there? And..er...what exactly happened to you?"  
  
"Well let me in, it's cold out here - and then I'll explain everything." Duo flashed Sally another wrangling smile.  
  
She really didn't want to invite him inside her apartment - he absolutely reeked. The stench was making her wither on the spot. But it would be extremely impolite not to at least let him step out of the cold. By the appearance of him, he'd obviously suffered some unfortunate mishap.   
  
The American boldly stepped inside the darkened kitchen and drew a long, deep breath; 'Ya know, Sally, it smells lovely....very seductively... of incense in here."  
  
"Yeah," Sally replied, a furious blush threatening to exhibit itself on her cheeks. She forced herself to smile and not to appear sarcastic, "That would be because there is an incense burner over there...."  
  
She pointed at the object. Duo nodded and shrugged with a slight twinkle in those violet-blue eyes of his. He seated himself at the kitchen table and rested his smutty elbows on it. He could tell Sally was expecting an explanation for his sudden appearance.  
  
"Well?" she asked, folding her arms and tapping her foot. "Why did you come here and not use the facilities in your own apartment? The one you and Hilde rent?"  
  
Duo cleared his throat, "Hey, anyone would think you were desperate to get rid of me, Sally Po." He grinned and Sally squirmed in her high-heeled shoes. "There's something wrong with our pipes and we've no running water. I was doing some military-style endurance training with some of the other Preventer guys out in a muddy field. Une expects us to do it. I know it's late in the evening, it was..er...a long programme. And I got kinda...well...dirty."  
  
"You don't say. So you're telling me there's not ONE other person who has a bathroom you can use? What about the shower blocks on site?" Sally replied, aware she sounded a little too on the irritated side.  
  
Duo blinked innocently; "Well I know what a nice person you are and your apartment was nearest to the training grounds. And the shower blocks scare me because..well...spiders...."  
  
Sally groaned inwardly, as Duo continued regardless, "...And I figured....oops...I'm SO SORRY, I forgot you attended your uncles' funeral with Wufei earlier on today. No wonder you're not in the best of moods. How was it?"  
  
Sally was caught off guard; "Great!.....I mean...*ahem* very....emotional. Sad."  
  
"Oh, why are you wearing white?" the braided man remarked, pointing. "I thought black was the colour for funerals."  
  
Sally gulped, racking her brain for a plausible explanation; "My dear uncle didn't really believe in traditions."  
  
Duo hardly managed to mask his smirk; "And I suppose he didn't believe women should cover up their chests up either..."  
  
Once again, Sally broke out in a sweat and her heart did a backflip as she looked down at her shirt gaping open and her lacy bra on show to Shinigami. Hastily, she concealed her assets.   
  
"I...don't know how that happened....it's these stupid buttons, they keep coming undone." She mentally slapped herself. It was such a lame excuse but Duo seemed satisfied for the time being.  
  
Unable to stay put behind the closed lounge door whilst Duo ogled his wife's chest, Wufei emerged, looking rather cheesed off. He'd heard the whole conversation and wrinkled his nose when he caught sight - and smell - of the grinning American. Sweat, mud and grease all mingled into one lingering pong. There was no other word to describe it but putrid.   
  
"Hi there, Wu!" Duo's eyes lit up with amusement. "I guess you're still here comforting Sally...that's real kind of you..."  
  
"Go get a bath, Maxwell. You stink."  
  
Duo strode past proudly, ignoring Wufei's rudeness and strolled in the direction of the bathroom. The last the newlyweds heard from him as he opened the door was a delighted squeal; "Ooh, candles, my Sally you sure know how to set the scene..."  
  
'I_wasn't_setting_it_for_you!' Sally thought moodily, but she called sweetly, "Um, yeah, I've been quite interested in those home improvement programmes they have on."  
  
  
*******  
  
Wufei sank down onto the couch, a dark frown on his face. He was obviously acutely annoyed "That's all we needed. An interruption from him !"  
  
Sally sat down beside him, and began to massage his shoulders soothingly, "Come on, he's only taking a bath. He'll be out of our hair soon.."  
  
"Soon?" Wufei exclaimed. "Do you know how long that guy takes in the bathroom?! I should know, he's stayed at my apartment before."  
  
"Well," Sally spoke up, "I'm not sure what he's gonna wear when he gets out of there. That tracksuit needs incinerating. You could lend him your bathrobe or something - "  
  
"And why would MY bathrobe be here as far as he knows? I'm not supposed to be your 'house mate' as yet," Wufei said sulkily. "It's MY wedding night and someone would have to spoil things."   
  
The sound of Duo's merry tuneless humming could be heard amid the running water and Wufei's grumbling. Sally sighed and draped her arms around him, poking her fingers through the gaps between the buttons on his shirt. Wufei wouldn't ever dare admit it to the rest of the world, but he seriously enjoyed her affection. He was now her husband and, of course, there would be a problem if he didn't.  
  
"You know, Wufei, Duo's in the bathroom....he isn't in the bedroom..."  
  
Sally made her fingers walk down his belly. Her warm breath on his neck was tickling teasingly and her perfume smelt divine. It was oh so tempting but... no.   
  
"No," Wufei stated firmly.  
  
"What's the problem? Don't you want to spend some quality time with your wife?"  
  
"Duo's the problem. And quality time is exactly what I want. If we can hear him from the bathroom, don't you think he's going to hear us ? Don't you think he's going to get curious? Don't you think he's going to come in and see what all the fun is about?"  
  
"Show me where the problem is," Sally smirked, slouching back on the couch. "A husband and a 'bit-on-the-side' all at once. Sounds great."  
  
Wufei could tell she was only joking, but he frowned nonetheless. "Stop teasing me," he grouched.  
  
Sally found it incredibly amusing, "Ah, is that what happens to all guys when they are deprived..."  
  
"Stop it!" Wufei repeated, "Stop mocking me!" But Sally was laughing so hard she toppled off the couch dragging her glowering husband with her and they landed with a thud on the carpet in a rather suggestive pose.  
  
And then they were kissing. Maybe this would do for now until Maxwell had vacated the bathroom...  
  
*******  
  
It couldn't be denied - someone else was knocking on the front door. Sally's scarlet lipstick was artistically smeared all over her face and over Wufei's. Both she and Wufei set about erasing their clown-like appearances before Sally went to the door to tell whoever it was to go away.  
  
But she couldn't dismiss them. No sooner had she opened the door, Lucrezia Noin was revealed looking as miserable as sin. Quatre Winner was stood behind her, groaning and clutching his head, eyes screwed tightly shut. He looked like a little child caught mid-tantrum.  
  
"What did you DO to him?" Sally exclaimed, ushering Noin and Quatre inside, choosing to ignore the bulging case Lucrezia was carrying. "He looks as if you've given him quite a whack."  
  
"I did nothing," Noin answered, her jaw set firmly. "Quatre was driving me to your place, actually. He offered. I knew you wouldn't mind if I stayed the weekend. You have a spare room, right? I've just had a bust-up with Zechs."  
  
"You had a bust-up with Zechs or did Quatre? He looks worse for wear."  
  
"No, Quatre has a migraine. It developed quickly on the way here."  
  
The blonde Arabian sunk his head down on the kitchen table and began to groan pitifully, only heightening the dramatic effect.  
  
"I guess you can stay...." Sally mumbled, trying her level best not to sound too reluctant, or too eager. "And I think poor Quatre needs some painkillers, a warm bed and a dark room..."  
  
'That's what I need," Wufei thought. 'Minus the painkillers....."  
  
" I might warn you Duo's in the bath," Sally continued, "Long story and Wufei's still here with me helping me with a report."  
  
Wufei tried in vain to conceal a scowl. Yet no-one seemed to notice his ruffled appearance, or Sally's for that matter. As far as they all knew, he was simply her 'colleague'.  
  
"Owww! Owww! I can't see properly," Quatre whimpered melodramatically, gnashing his teeth. "My head feels as though it's gonna split...my fingers are numb...owwww...I feel sick!"  
  
"Wufei!" Sally ordered. "Go and make our...I mean MY... bed presentable for Quatre and then get him some painkillers. I'll deal with Noin."  
  
Wufei was tempted to huff at the second intrusion but Quatre's strange wretched behaviour filled him with at least a small slither of concern. "Yes Wife...I mean Water."  
  
No-one seemed to notice the slip-up. Wufei sprinted into what was originally only Sally's bedroom, blowing out all the candles and frantically stuffing the champagne and roses under the bed, before Quatre tottered in like a blind rabbit and crawled under the sheets.  
  
"I'll...er...go get you some aspirin," Wufei promised as he stood in the doorframe ditheringly.  
  
"Ouch!" the blond sputtered.  
  
"Oh stop being such a wimp, Winner!" Wufei lost all his reserves. How could he be polite when his wedding night was going down the drain?  
  
"No, this pricked me," Quatre replied, reaching under the bed quilt and presenting a single red rose, complete with thorns. "What's this for?"  
  
Wufei thought fast, "It's for you."  
  
"For me?"  
  
"Yeah....er...a 'get well' present. I just put it in there now before you got in."  
  
"Uh, that's nice of you," Quatre muttered, and Wufei was positive his friend was chuckling amid the supposed agony of the migraine. "I didn't think that was your style."  
  
'I always prided myself on honesty and now here I am churning out lies,' Wufei reminded himself with distaste. 'Look what's happening to me! All for that woman...'  
  
Despite the niggling guilty notions, the Chinese man managed to force a smile for his suffering friend as he closed the bedroom door behind him. Just as Wufei left the room, Duo came out of the bathroom accompanied by a cloud of steam, a cream towel wrapped around his middle and another bound around his hair like a turban.  
  
"That was one great shower!" he sighed happily.  
  
"I thought you were taking a bath," Wufei commented.  
  
"I took both. Just to make sure I came out extra clean."  
  
Wufei took note of the water still glistening on the American's bare skin before remarking bluntly; "I suppose now you're going to demand some clothes."  
  
Duo shook his head; "Nah. In my trusty duffel bag I have some jeans, a sweater and some boxers I borrowed from someone's clothes line on the way here."  
  
Wufei curled his lip up disdainfully. "You haven't an ounce of honour, have you?"  
  
"Probably not," Duo admitted, strolling into the spare room to change. "But now Sally doesn't have an ounce of shampoo. Heh, heh."  
  
Wufei groaned and backed against the wall.  
  
********  
  
"And so he just came out with it - 'maybe we should have some time apart'," Noin was shrieking in the kitchen, banging down her mug of coffee. "I was like blast you Zechs !"  
  
Sally's mind was wandering and her answers presented no apparent enthusiasm for the role of the agony aunt. "Oh."  
  
"Are you listening to me, Sally?  
  
Sally blinked; "Uh...yeah."  
  
"And I came home from the office to find Zechs traded the garden gnomes for potted plants. And he won't move that stupid framed picture of him and Treize drunk and dressed as hula dancers off our bedroom wall!"  
  
'Wufei, Wufei, Wufei', Sally drooled, oblivious.  
  
"I mean you just don't know how hard being married IS," Noin continued crossly. "You think it's all hunky-dory on your wedding day, but after that it goes downhill. I told him I'm sick of picking blonde hairs out of the plug hole and he said 'well just be glad it's not both of us with long hair. I'm lucky I married such a masculine woman'. Can you believe the cheek of that man?"  
  
"Well he's not entirely wrong," Sally said, trying to offer an answer though her thoughts weren't on Noin's plight.  
  
Noin glowered; "So you're saying I'm masculine too? Some friend, Sally. At least I have a husband."  
  
"Well from what I've gathered from you it's a pain in the butt being married. And I can't say I envy you," Sally replied evenly, "And I didn't mean you were masculine. I meant Zechs was right about being the only one with long hair. Well I always did think he looked a bit girlie with that hairdo anyway. Like an over-grown Barbie," she put on a goofy voice, "available in three different outfits; Oz, White Fang and Preventers."  
  
Noin's eyes snapped up suddenly and without a doubt she was clearly insulted at the comment; "Are you saying my husband looks effeminate, Sally Po?"  
  
"Geez, Noin, I was only kidding to make you feel better," Sally answered, waving her hand in dismissal. "I thought you'd fallen out with him, why are you defending him all of a sudden?"  
  
"No reason, I just think it's a bit childish. I'll - er - go take my stuff up to your spare room, shall I?"  
  
Without waiting for an answer, Lucrezia rose to her feet and lugged the heavy bag out of the kitchen. "Make yourself at home," Sally mumbled sarcastically under her breath, all the while wondering where her husband was going to sleep when tonight arrived. Oh wait - it was tonight already. Her wedding night . She let out a gusty sigh and stared wistfully at his jacket now hanging over the chair.  
  
*****  
  
To be continued......   
  



	3. Part 2 >:-(

A Technical Hitch   
By Ashy   
  
*~Part 2~*   
  
  
"Quatre wants some water," Wufei stated as he filled up a glass. Sally musingly admired his handsome features and generous muscles, which were still obvious under the crisp white shirt.  
  
"Huh, anything else for the Desert Prince?" she muttered, her head resting wearily on the table. "And what are Noin and Duo doing?"  
  
"Noin's trying to wade her way through all those boxes in your spare room to reach the bed, and Duo's entertaining Quatre....not that he really needs it," Wufei replied with a groan. "Some wedding night this turned out to be."  
  
"I'll second that," Sally answered, sucking in a breath. "But...ya know, if we ignore the fact there are three other people in our house, we're are alone in this room. Which is the furthest room away from them."  
  
Wufei looked around in disdain. "The kitchen? And what about Quatre's water?"  
  
"What about Quatre's water? What about us ?" She slid her arms up around his neck, smirking in that irresistible way. That same way which had made him grab her face and kiss her on a mission two years ago, whilst she was still pretending to see him as a 'little brother' and he was pretending to be only interested in younger women. How they'd ended up like this was anybody's guess.  
  
He snorted, half with a hint of humour; "That table doesn't look very inviting, Sally Po."  
  
"Sally Chang," she corrected, laughing at his bluntness.  
  
"Yeah, how could I forget? It's the very fact you're Sally Chang that's caused all these problems. Because if you weren't Sally Chang we wouldn't be having a wedding, and we wouldn't be sneaking around keeping secrets and compromising our integrity, and we wouldn't be having a wedding night, and we wouldn't be being interrupted...."  
  
But she was already pulling him in the direction of the table.  
  
  
******  
  
"Open up! It's urgent!"  
  
Wufei snarled and stalked to the door with murderous passion. Thankfully, Sally shoved him out of the way and opened it herself before her husband had a chance to maim whoever it was.  
  
"What NOW?" she demanded, and her expression changed as she saw it was a pair of firefighters clad in their usual attire.  
  
"Who is it?" Wufei inquired.  
  
"Firefighters," Sally answered in puzzlement. "And as far as I know, there isn't a fire in here." 'Though it was getting rather hot', she chuckled to herself.  
  
"Well tell them to go away, we have business to attend to," Wufei said back, as if those in the doorstep couldn't hear him.  
  
Sally knew she couldn't very well do this, but there must be some sort of mistake. She turned to the uniformed men, "Sorry, I don't understand. There is no fire here."  
  
The elder of the firemen chortled, "No, we're not here because of a fire."  
  
At this, Wufei stuck his head round the door and glared. "Well what are you here for if you're not really firefighters? Candy? Trick or treat?" he exploded, "Halloween has passed and anyway, I don't think it's honourable to involve oneself in issues such as ghosts and spirits, there's enough ghosts to contend with without creating them...take me for example, I have Treize Kushrenada following me around everywhere...well only in my mind but...."  
  
Sally subsequently pushed her husband's head back where it came from. "I'm sorry - he likes to rant once in a while."  
  
"You don't say," the second firefighter replied, shaking his head in concern. "Now the REAL reason we're here is because we were called out by a very anxious young man after realising his pet cat had escaped and had wound up on what looks to be your bedroom window ledge."  
  
"Ah, and he needed your help with your ladders and such to get it down?" Sally answered, getting the gist. She always was a smart woman.  
  
The firefighters nodded.  
  
"Fine, put your ladder up against our wall and rescue the kitty. It's no problem," Sally said, trying to keep the peace, as concealed behind the door, Wufei's hideous scowl was swiftly banishing any attraction she felt towards him at this present moment.   
  
"Where's the owner of this cat?" demanded Wufei, before the firefighters prepared to rescue this supposedly stranded animal.  
  
"Right here," said a voice. A calm, cool, yet morose voice carrying all the charisma of a cold fish. As the two men in the foreground stepped aside, the owner was revealed - none other than Trowa Barton.  
  
"You have a cat?" Wufei teased, as the firefighters tramped away to position their ladder, and Trowa stepped inside the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah, I love animals," answered the auburn-haired pilot impassively, "In fact, I've kept lions, tigers, bears, elephants and even a sister.  
  
"Well if you really wanted an animal, you should try Wufei," Sally snickered, and then realised with embarrassed horror the connotations of what she had just said. "When I say animal I mean...I mean...don't you think Wu looks just like a panda?"  
  
Sally tweaked Wufei's cheek to emphasise her point, while he glared daggers. Trowa took an even look; "No."  
  
"Well I suppose a cat's better than Maxwell's dog, Doo-Doo," Wufei scoffed, trying to avert the subject. "Aparently that woman he lives with took it to an animal rescue centre when it left some of it's namesake in the drawers of Chief Une's desk."  
  
"Yes, and he traded it for some tropical fish," Trowa recalled. "He lost them in a power cut. Don't mention it, he's still a little raw."  
  
"That cat on my window ledge. Isn't that it the one you and Quatre share joint ownership of?" Sally inquired. Trowa ambled into the living room, followed by Sally as Wufei stayed behind to monitor the firemen's progress. "I remember him saying something about the two of you taking vacation just after the stuff with Mariemaia and coming back with a cat."  
  
"Yeah," Trowa replied. "Some old lady was selling it in the street and Quatre thought it would grow up to be a lion, so bought it for me for the circus. Turns out, it was an old cat anyway and would only ever answer to him."  
  
Sally rolled her eyes, in the politest way possible. "Sounds like Quatre. He always had a kind heart."  
  
"He still wanted me to have the cat, so as it only ever comes to him we figured we'd share it. Before we joined the Preventers, Diddle's life consisted of soup at the circus, and chocolate cookies and cream at the Winner Mansion."   
  
Trowa left out the fact this poor cat usually suffered from chronic diarrhoea as a result.  
  
"Diddle?" Wufei snorted from the kitchen, evidently hearing the conversation. "What kind of a name's that for a mangy stray?"  
  
"Hey-diddle-diddle...," Trowa answered, "...the cat and the fiddle....The nursery rhyme."  
  
"What?" Wufei gibed. "What's a fiddle got to do with it?"  
  
"You know Quatre likes to play the violin so...'Quatre' and 'cat' . Kinda sounds the same."  
  
"Oh, you mean like 'Duo' and 'big-mouth' and 'Trowa' and 'depressing' and 'Heero' and 'mind-numbingly boring' ?" the Chinese pilot muttered, peevishly.  
  
"That's the idea," Sally called back, irritated at her husband's intolerance of the whole situation. "I've got one as well: 'Wufei' and 'divorce' !"  
  
Trowa coughed slightly but mostly remained nonchalant on hearing the accidental comment. He stood up suddenly without a word and made a move in the direction of the bedroom on whose window ledge Diddle was perched.  
  
"Where are you going?" Sally asked.  
  
"The bedroom. I'm going to look out the window and see how those guys are getting on rescuing the cat."  
  
"Well don't open the window, there's no way of doing it without knocking the poor creature off the ledge!" Sally warned. "Oh, and by the way, Quatre's in the bed with a migraine, and Duo and Noin are there too."  
  
"Right." And with that, Trowa was gone.  
  
'I wonder why he made no reference to the 'divorce' thing,' Sally pondered. Something wasn't quite right. And when Wufei stomped in, things were set to become even worse.  
  
*******  
  
"That's it!" Wufei hissed. "If I don't get to spend my wedding night alone with my wife in the house, well I'm going to go outside with her instead!"  
  
"Wufei...it's cold out there...," Sally pleaded, as he advanced on her and hoisted her into his arms. It might have looked a romantic gesture, only Sally's face seemed considerably drained and Wufei's showed sincere determination. Neither had the look of love-birds.  
  
"I don't care if it's cold," the Chinese man answered shortly. "It'll soon warm up."  
  
"Oh yeah, the fire of passion," Sally mocked. "Well my idea of a romantic wedding night is NOT in a freezing garden shed with goose-bumps thank you very much. Because that's the only place I can think of."  
  
"It's not my idea, either," said Wufei. "I was more thinking my car parked out there. Of course it's parked away from the street and away from that fire engine too...."  
  
Sally groaned; "Do I really have a choice in the matter?"  
  
"No."  
  
Wufei unlocked the car door and thrust his wife onto the back seat. Sally didn't appear all too pleased.  
  
"What's wrong, Sally?" he asked, before climbing inside himself. "Anyone would think you hated me."   
  
"I don't hate you, Wufei. You know that. I just hate this stupid situation," she sighed. "I wish we'd just come clean about getting married then at least we could have spent our wedding night alone for a start, in a bed with champagne, candles and roses..."  
  
"Well I do remember quite clearly saying we should - "  
  
"Don't. Don't mention integrity."  
  
"I won't," he laughed, his softer nature prevailing. "And I don't think location matters so much. At least we're covered. Now can I get in?"  
  
"If you must." Then she looked up and grinned, before he wrapped his arms around her and his warm body barricaded her from the cold night air. The moon cast an adequate glow beyond the small row of trees and at last the couple seemed content to be sharing some time in private.  
  
"I want plenty of sons," Wufei was saying. "Starting from now."  
  
"Wufei, there's something underneath my back, and it's kinda hurting...."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Um...hang on...oh it's just a Pepsi can..."  
  
She reached underneath herself and pulled out the aggravating object, thrusting it over onto the driver seat.  
  
"Ah...I know where that must have come from," Wufei recalled, "Maxwell borrowed - no stole - this car from my drive yesterday. He helped himself to the keys from our office and had a nice little drive around with what's-her-name. He leaves his mess everywhere. "  
  
"Honey, you've stopped kissing me."  
  
"I know. I was talking."  
  
"But we didn't come in here to talk..."  
  
"Sorry, Woman. Is that better?"  
  
"Umm hum. Are you kissing my earlobe or trying to eat my earring?"  
  
"Both."  
  
Sally stroked her hands over his forehead, "You know, you have the cutest forehead," she whispered, chuckling. "It was the first thing that attracted me to you - well, after your sense of justice."  
  
"And what about my skills as a pilot and my awesome physique?"  
  
"I wasn't exactly going to eye-up a fifteen-year-old's physique when I was nineteen myself, was I? Though I do seem to remember Heero had bigger biceps..."  
  
Wufei grunted; "So you obviously eyed Yuy up then. I'll have you know he's so skinny really he can play Chopsticks on the piano with his shoulder blades."  
  
"Jealous of Heero?" Sally smirked. "Well I could be jealous of Mieran, your first wife, couldn't I?"  
  
"With her, our wedding night consisted only of lemonade and a few games of Chinese scrabble," Wufei reminisced with a shake of the head. "And then the very next day she was worried she was pregnant."  
  
Sally could hardly control her laughter. "Well you two were only babies yourself back then, weren't you. How old were you - twelve?"  
  
"Fourteen. It was just an arranged thing. It wasn't like we even loved each other, in fact she had a huge crush on my father..."  
  
An owl hooted somewhere in the trees and then there was the sound of firefighters leaving the vicinity. Obviously Diddle was retrieved.  
  
"....And then she told me if she could she'd rather French-kiss Master O than me..."  
  
"Aww, you poor thing," his wife replied in mock comfort, giving him a soft kiss. "Well she didn't know what she was missing, did she...?"  
  
"I suppose not," Wufei said with a satisfied, conceited snort.  
  
"....I mean, Master O was a darn great kisser!"  
  
Wufei coughed and his muscles tightened, his pride deflating like a balloon. "When did you kiss Master O?"  
  
"Never. It was a j-o-k-e," Sally giggled. "But I might seek pleasure in another man such as him if I find that the only time you really wish to talk is when talking isn't really necessary......"  
  
***********  
  
Moments later, the distinct sound of tapping on the car window made Wufei and Sally's blood drop below the point of freezing. Who'd caught them out this time?  
  
"Hey," a male voice called through the glass.  
  
"Who is it?" Sally hissed. "It sounds like Heero."  
  
"You've got Heero on the brain," Wufei replied, slight franticness rising in his voice. "It's too dark to see properly. I'll hide you and then I'll get the flashlight from the back window and take a look."  
  
Before Sally had the chance to snatch a single breath, Wufei's entire body weight smothered her. The woman's head was sandwiched uncomfortably between the car seat and her husband's pectorals. Sally felt her nose being increasingly crushed by Wufei's breastbone. 'Looks like I'll be needing plastic surgery,' she thought.  
  
Wufei's hand fumbled around for the flashlight. He flicked it on and was displeased to find not one, but three faces peering in at him. One belonged to the ever-stoic Heero Yuy, one to Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian, and she was clutching onto his arm as if she was somehow trying to give the impression they were superglued. The third was a blonde woman with forked eyebrows, whose name Wufei couldn't remember and by the look of those eyebrows, he had probably chosen to forget.  
  
"Wufei is that you?" Heero inquired.  
  
There was no denying the fact he was present. Wufei, on pressing the correct button, allowed the car window to slide down so conversation was enabled. "What do you want?" the Chinese man grated. He looked quite a sight and he felt his cheeks throbbing with embarassment.  
  
"So there is someone in here," Relena exclaimed.  
  
"I think we've already established there's someone here, Miss Relena," the blonde woman (of course none other than Dorothy Catalonia) said simperingly. "We came to take a look as we heard some activity going on in here."  
  
Wufei gulped, quite forgetting poor Sally was being starved of oxygen and choking to death on his aftershave at that present moment. "Well now you've satisfied your curiosity, can you please leave me in peace?"  
  
"Peace is good," Relena replied, smoothing out the creases in her business suit. "Of course, peace is what we should all be aiming to achieve."  
  
Dorothy rolled her eyes. "In peace? To do what exactly? What's peaceful about laying sprawled out by yourself on the back seat of a car? If that's peace then bring on the war!"  
  
"Why is the temperature so high in there?" Heero demanded.   
  
Dorothy tittered; "You could fry an egg in there..."  
  
"The...um..car heater's broken." Wufei's cheeks flushed crimson and he was glad for the darkness.  
  
"But the car engine isn't even on. What are you doing in there anyway?" Heero asked with his usual solemnity.  
  
Wufei's eyes narrowed. "I shouldn't have to justify myself to you, but if you must know, I was working on a report with Sally and I remembered I'd left my cell phone in my car. And then I needed to make a phone call. So here I am in the process of looking for it. It must have slipped down the side of the seat."  
  
"We could help you look for it," Relena offered with a charming smile.  
  
"That won't be necessary."  
  
"What's that underneath you?" Dorothy inquired, pointing into the car.  
  
There was no way around this one without making a further fool of himself. Wufei sighed and prepared to deal the truth. "That's Sally."  
  
"Well what's Miss Po doing underneath you?" the Vice Foreign Minister asked, her blue eyes widening. "And why do you have no shoes on?"  
  
"Blisters," Wufei stuttered. "Funeral's really take it out of you..."  
  
"But why is Sally in there with you? Was she massaging your feet?" Dorothy said with a toss of the head and a sly grin.  
  
'No! Wufei can't tell them the truth about us!' Sally thought frantically. She moved her hand and nipped him, indicating he should think up another excuse.  
  
Wufei was sweating with pressure to think up more ridiculous stories. "Preventer Water was asleep on the back seat. She's had a hard day at the funeral of her uncle. You see, she couldn't sleep in bed because Quatre's in there with a migraine, Noin is in the spare room and Duo and Trowa are also present. So she came into the car. Simple as that."  
  
Sally let out a muffled snore just to convince them.  
  
"Ah, so the car was the only other option?" Heero said, masking the faintest hint of a rare smile.  
  
Wufei nodded, hoping they wouldn't ask what why he insisted on squashing Sally while she was supposed to be sleeping. Surprisingly, but also luckily, the question wasn't raised. How could these three be so dense as the completely believe his cock-and-bull story? Maybe they didn't and were just humouring both he and Sally for the sake of their dignity.  
  
"Well," Heero spoke up after a pause, "We are actually here to seek your help. We were going to go to the front door but seeing as you're here, Wufei, I'll ask you now."  
  
It turned out, according to Heero - with 'chippings-in' from Relena and Dorothy, that he'd been escorting Relena to a conference and on the way back, the limousine had broken down a few streets away from where Sally lived. Seeing as the former-Queen of-the-world needed her beauty sleep, and her lap-dog Dorothy was desperate to relieve her bladder, Heero was wondering if he could borrow Wufei's car (which he'd noticed parked up in the drive) to take them quickly to their hotel.  
  
Wufei wondered why Dorothy couldn't use Sally's toilet but she'd probably quip something about being 'allergic' to common toilet seats or something. Anyhow, Wufei said nothing, and he was sure his wife was dying of suffocation right now. He couldn't afford to lose another wife!   
  
Sally wasn't moving an inch but she obviously wasn't dead; he could feel her heart-beat against his stomach. Then he felt her buttoning up his shirt as fast as she could.  
  
"I suppose so," he replied without enthusiasm. Wufei almost pretended his car had broken down too, yet for someone as moral and honest as he usually was, his fibbing skills left much to be desired. And he couldn't simply offer them Quatre's car without asking first. That would be dishonourable.  
  
"Thank you, we appreciate your graciousness," Relena said, smiling coquettishly.  
  
"You're too kind, 05, " Dorothy minced.  
  
"No problem," Wufei mumbled, "I'd better wake Sally up then we can resume the report for Lady Une we've been working on..."  
  
"That would be wise," Heero agreed. "Duo and I finished ours yesterday. Chief Une was only saying this morning she expects yours and Sally's to be in by tomorrow morning at the latest, or it'll really inconvenience her. Apparently, it's extremely important she gets it."  
  
"What report's this?" Sally demanded, suddenly snapping 'awake'. Wufei moved aside as his wife pretended to rub her tired eyes. Her face looked as though it had been whacked flat with a frying pan - the 'frying pan' being Wufei's body.  
  
"The report you're working on," Heero told them gruffly.  
  
"But we're not working on a.....I mean....we are, we just need to know if we're on the right lines...." Sally's mind reeled. The truth was, neither she or Wufei were doing anything like a report and had no clue it was urgent, whatever it was.  
  
"The report has to be a full write-up of the details of your latest Preventer mission," Heero informed. "Like a record. I'm sure Une went through this in her meeting last week. She said the report was top priority and any agents who failed to comply may run the risk of being discharged."  
  
"In other words fired," Dorothy concluded sweetly.  
  
What meeting?! Top priority ? Neither Sally or Wufei remembered any meeting. Or any report for that matter. Somehow they managed to keep their horror at bay as they crawled out of the car.  
  
"I guess you'd better get on with it," the former-Wing pilot said grimly. Without another word, Heero took the car keys from the shell-shocked Wufei, bundled Relena and Dorothy into the vechicle and pulled out of the drive way. Only then did Wufei consider Heero's history of maniacal driving, but it was too late now.  
  
As the car disappeared into the night, Sally was tempted to shout obscenities out of complete panic, rage and annoyance and Wufei was tempted to join in. They both spent the next few minutes jumping up and down on the gravel path in a hysterical frenzy, or at least Sally tried to look hysterical. It was pretty easy for her volatile husband.  
  
"Aww, damn, I left my shoes!" Wufei cursed, looking down at his socks.  
  
"Never mind. We'll tell the others' we're leaving. We have to get our butts down to Preventer HQ, and work them off all night on this report," the blonde woman decided. "The details of our latest misson are there. It's our only option."  
  
"But it's our wedding night," Wufei moaned, "I don't want to spend it going through our notes on our last mission and writing up a stupid report for Miss I-run-the-Preventers-bow-to-me!"  
  
"Tough. We'll take Quatre's car if he'll let us. Any more from you and I won't be keeping our divorce as secret as our marriage!"  
  
Wufei sighed deeply. That was the price you paid for marrying a strong woman.  
  
*******  
  
A.N: Two more parts to go, woo hoo...   
  



	4. Part 3 :-@

A Technical Hitch  
  
By Ashy  
  
  
  
*~Part 3~*  
  
  
  
AN: Things start to get sticky for poor Sally and Wufei in this chapter.....  
  
*********  
  
One peek out of the bedroom window showed everything had gone to plan.  
  
"They've gone at last! They've gone at last!" Quatre whooped, jumping up and down on Sally's bed. "Finally I can lose the migraine!"  
  
Duo was joining in with the jumping, until one of the springs gave way. Already he and Trowa had discovered the champagne under the bed and had helped themselves to a few glasses.  
  
Noin was stroking the purring Diddle, with a huge grin on her face. "Well boys, looks like Heero, Relena and Dorothy completed their mission with success, now we need to complete the rest of ours."  
  
"Did you alert Zechs and Une?" Duo asked.  
  
"Yes. And I've already called a cab. Let's get down to that HQ."  
  
********  
  
"Look, Wufei, there's nothing we can do about it. We *have* to do this report or we'll be spending the rest of our married life looking for new jobs."  
  
He wasn't answering her. The silent treatment, no doubt.  
  
"Fine," Sally replied curtly, clenching her jaw.  
  
The two were speeding down to the Preventer main HQ in Quatre's car. Sally was driving as she was sure the mood he was in, her husband might be tempted to do some damage. He was leaning with his elbow out of the passenger window, staring out the way he'd done on the first day they'd met. Still a kid at heart, Sally sighed.  
  
Still, he was so adorable when he pouted and she couldn't stay angry at him for very long. Sally reached out and rubbed his leg saying, "This isn't my idea of a decent wedding night either, but I promise if you work with me tonight on this stupid report, tomorrow night, I'll make it worth your while..."  
  
"Keep your eyes on the road, Woman."  
  
"Fine!" Sally exploded. "You just sulk like a baby and I swear I will never wash your clothes, cook your meals or carry your kids! Is that clear?! Because I thought I married a man but it turns out I just married a boy with a deliciously fabulously sexy body!"  
  
Wufei's face suddenly glowed with pride and he sat back, folding his arms, his lips curving into a smile. "Why thanks, Sally."  
  
Sally quickly thought of a way to win him over; "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean all of what I said, can we work properly tonight? I thought our marriage was supposed to be proof to Une that she's wrong about us. We don't want to make her look *right* ! That would mean we're...failures. Failure, Wufei. Failure, do you know what that means? It means we're incapable, it means we're....*weak* ."  
  
"I'm not weak!" Wufei declared abruptly. "I'm not a weakling! If I can control a Gundam, I can control a marriage. Okay, let's get this report done."  
  
Sally grinned. Mission accomplished.  
  
*********  
  
"Argggggghhh dammit!!!" screeched Wufei as he slid to the floor with a thud.  
  
Sally turned round in the corridor. "Hey, what's up?"  
  
Wufei motioned to the slippery floor and then to his socks. "I slipped....no..no DON'T try to help me up, Woman."  
  
"I wasn't. I was *dragging* you up!"  
  
Sally took hold of both her husband's arms and attempted to haul him to his feet. Only in doing this, it meant bending over in her tight skirt. A ripping sound ensued as every stitch escaped revealing her underwear.  
  
"Oh no! My skirt's ripped all down the back!"  
  
"You shouldn't have such a big rear end- "  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT?"  
  
"I mean...nice lingerie..."  
  
Sally marched up to the office door, unbalanced as between getting out of the car and entering the Preventer HQ, the heel of her right shoe had snapped clean off. It was in her hand. She couldn't even retain her femininity for ONE day. It was tragic. She wondered what the refined, lady- like Relena Peacecraft would think of her. Sally could almost hear her giggling....somewhere.....  
  
With Wufei in hot pursuit, and sliding around in his socks, Sally prepared to turn the handle on the door of their office. Only she was sure there was someone - no - two people in there already. She put her ear against it and her eyes began to bulge.  
  
"Wu...Wufei...come over here...," she whispered, her voice incredulous.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Just listen."  
  
The voices inside the office could be heard clearly - a man and a woman sounding very secretive.  
  
"It's good job you finally managed to convince Noin to go to Sally's," the woman was saying.  
  
"Yes," answered the gruff male voice, "Or we couldn't have pulled this off...."  
  
Sally and Wufei listened harder, mouths gaping open like a pair of fish.  
  
"It's Une and Zechs, isn't it? What do you think's going on?" Wufei whispered in Sally's ear. But Sally was already frowning darkly.  
  
"Did you remember the champagne and ice?" Zechs spoke up. "Can't have a romantic night without that. Oh, and the roses."  
  
"The little weasel!" Sally hissed. "Just like I suspected. He's....I think he's.....cheating on Noin!"  
  
"With Une?" Wufei echoed. "I've heard of 'getting in' with the boss but this is ridiculous."  
  
"Maybe he wants a pay rise," Sally deliberated. "Maybe he wants promoting...so he can buy more potted plants. And they must've chosen our office so no-one would suspect."  
  
"It's amazing we managed to fit a bed in here..." Lady Une said. "Let's hope it's put to good use..."  
  
Wufei gasped, "The dishonour! Now I've lost all the respect I never had for Marqise!"  
  
Sally was enraged, and no matter how hard her husband tried to hold her back, she burst straight into the office, intent on giving Zechs and Une a huge piece of her mind.  
  
Wufei was close behind, and on thrusting open the door, the pair blinked, then stood and gawked in a stunned silence........  
  
The office...*their* office... had been completely transformed from a stark workspace to what looked to be quite a love nest. It was ordained with roses, candles, heart-shaped trimmings, a bucket of champagne on ice resting on a chair, and to top it all off, a double bed with red satin sheets and generous pillows. In one corner of the room, Lady Une and Zechs Marqise were standing on what was formally the computer desk, and were finishing tacking up some more hearts. An odd scene.  
  
"Looks like they went to a lot of trouble for an affair," Sally observed.  
  
"Zechs, how could you be so dishonourable as to cheat on Noin?" Wufei demanded, in the usual high-and-mighty tone.  
  
The blonde-haired man turned around abruptly, and Une almost fell off the desk in shock. "We...weren't expecting you..," she stammered.  
  
"Damn right you weren't!" Sally hissed. "And doing the room up like this - don't you think it's just rubbing Noin's nose in it when she hears about this. Because don't you think I won't tell her, I'm a decent friend and I don't keep secrets- "  
  
Lady Une coughed and raised her eyebrows at this. "You don't keep secrets, eh, Sally?"  
  
"No don't call Noin!" Zechs protested gruffly. "Don't call her. It'll ruin everything..."  
  
"Aww what a shame for you," Sally sneered, looking down at the broken heel from her shoe in her hand. With one swift motion, she lobbed it at Zechs and hit him square in the face. Next came the heelless right shoe and then the left one, each aimed perfectly.  
  
"If I was wearing shoes I'd throw them too!" declared Wufei earnestly.  
  
"Sally Po! How dare you!" Lady Une exclaimed, stepping towards the other woman and raising her hand in what looked to be slap.  
  
Like a bat out of hell, Wufei intervened, snatching Sally by the shoulders and yanking her out of Une's reach. "DON'T YOU DARE HIT MY WIFE!" he screeched at the brunette.  
  
He realized what he'd just said.  
  
Silence.  
  
And more silence. Sally began to twitch nervously, then so did her husband.  
  
Two smiles began to form. And then there was laughter. And more laughter. Zechs and Une were guffawing so hard they had to clutch their stomachs. It was strange to see Zechs particularly laughing so hard. Wufei and Sally weren't sure what to make of it.  
  
"What's funny?" Wufei demanded. "About Sally and I being married? I don't see the joke."  
  
"We weren't going to tell you but I guess it's out now," Sally sighed shaking her head in defeat.  
  
"You didn't need to tell us; we already knew," Lady Une admitted, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief.  
  
Wufei gulped, trying to appear indignant but he was unable to hide his curiosity. "We told no-one about getting married. How did you know?"  
  
"Ah, this little thing," Zechs replied evenly, brandishing the device he whipped up from nowhere. "It's called a Dictaphone."  
  
"A...a Dictaphone?" Sally and Wufei gasped in union.  
  
"Yes," smirked Une, hand on hip. "Duo Maxwell heard you discussing something about marriage when he was passing your office, and obviously he had the intelligence to listen in. When he got the gist, he was cunning enough to place a Dictaphone in your office each day since then. And he let all of us in on it."  
  
"We recorded all the details: the 'funeral' story, the date of the wedding and also the time," Zechs chortled, a wicked gleam in his ice-blue eyes. "We found out Wufei, you're renting out your apartment and staying with Sally, and we also found out you want six kids by the time you're thirty, you sleep with no clothes on and your favourite breakfast is Honeynut Loops....and you always keep your socks on if you know what I mean...."  
  
Wufei's face was flaming with shame.  
  
"And Sally," Zechs continued, rubbing his bruised cheek. "From this Dictaphone, we found you have eight thongs - four black, three white and one red; you don't wear underwired bras for bed because apparently they dig in..."  
  
Sally was squirming.  
  
"... and for one week, Sally, each month you become deathly ill and must be confined to bed straight after work, with magazines, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and plenty of TV, while Wufei does every scrap of the housework and also he must make you breakfast in bed - or else you may die from lack of red blood cells."  
  
"Sounds just like a doctor's statement," Une snickered, then whispered in Wufei's ear, "Too bad she's making it all up!"  
  
"But that's an invasion of privacy!" Sally protested. "You had no right to do this! It's a free country if we wanted to get married."  
  
"You had no right to get married behind my back," Une replied coolly. "Just to prove a point to me. And by the way, nice skirt, Sally."  
  
Zechs stifled another chuckle.  
  
"And," Une concluded, "As a result, I felt the need to repay you both for your deceit, and we all conspired to completely stall your wedding night."  
  
Wufei and Sally gasped; "You mean - "  
  
"Yes - Duo went first, after going to the nearest farm and dirtying himself up in a ploy to use your bathroom, Quatre fained a migraine, Noin faked a break-up, Trowa climbed your drainpipe and put his cat on your window ledge...."  
  
"Then called the firemen," Wufei hissed.  
  
"......And then Heero, Relena and Dorothy - who insisted she was in on the action - staged a breakdown then they could ask for your car and in doing this, scare you into thinking you had an urgent report to do. So you'd come here. And you did. Hook, line and sinker."  
  
"Well I did have my suspicions," Sally protested, as if trying to salvage the little bit of dignity she still had left.  
  
"Yeah...me too," Wufei agreed, doing the same.  
  
But it was obvious they both had egg in their scarlet faces.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
"Great work," Une commended, minutes later, as Dorothy sauntered into Sally and Wufei's office, followed by Heero and Relena. "A job well done."  
  
"It was a rather bizarre mission," Heero grunted, then scanned the room. "Looks like you finished the decorating, then."  
  
"Just," Zechs replied. "Noin and the others called, and they're on their way here. They just needed to pick something up...."  
  
"What the heck is going on?!" Wufei spluttered. "If it wasn't for yourselves, then why did you people decorate our entire office to look like a brothel?!"  
  
"For you," Relena answered, smiling. "We thought we'd give you little wedding-night treat, as Quatre began to feel a bit mean about listening in to your private conversations. So he bought all these things. It cost him loads, too."  
  
"I'll_thank_him_later," Wufei seethed.  
  
"I hope you're going to clean all this up," Sally chimed in, "Because me and Wufei can't do a report in bed!"  
  
"There is no report," Une answered.  
  
"WE GOT IT!" Duo's voice resounded around the room as he burst in, dragging Quatre and Trowa behind him. Noin strolled in after carrying the cat, and she made a bee-line for her husband slapping a huge kiss on his lips. Obviously no arguement had ever taken place.  
  
"Zechsy darling, what's that big mark on your cheek?" Noin inquired.  
  
"Ask Sally."  
  
Sally was ready to defend herself; "Hey, Noin, after everything you told me, when Wufei and I came here, we thought he was cheating on you with Une. I was just sticking up for you!"  
  
"That's nice," replied Noin, grinning. "Well, well, well, I guess we should be saying congratulations to you two. You darkhorses."  
  
"Which is why we got this!!" Duo yelled, ripping open what he had been carrying - a large packet of what looked to be...no....no it couldn't be...  
  
"NO!" screeched Wufei, "NO CONFETTI!"  
  
"Yes!" laughed Duo, and in minutes, everyone was stuffing their hands into the packet and showering the newlyweds with the fluttering coloured paper.  
  
"Ow, that went in my *mouth* !" Sally bellowed at Dorothy.  
  
"I know. It was meant to."  
  
Bits of confetti were sticking to Wufei's hair gel and he looked as if he had multi-coloured dandruff. "This didn't happen at my first wedding..." he groaned.  
  
"Come on, you deserve this humiliation, Wufei," Trowa admitted. "For plotting, scheming, being dishonest...being untrue to your - "  
  
"MY INTEGRITY! My poor integrity where have you gone?" Wufei lamented. "I know, I know, I deserve every punishment I get....."  
  
"You sure deserve this one," Duo piped up, taking the Dictaphone from Zechs. "Now let's all have a listen...."  
  
"Nooooo!" wailed Sally, arms flailing.  
  
"Maxwell you will die a slow, painful death if you do this!!" Wufei threatened.  
  
"I reckon it's worth it," Duo beamed, clicking the button, a crackly sound ensuing:  
  
"No, Woman, I'm not living in sin....and I can't keep my hands off you any longer..."  
  
"......so let's get married.....Lady Une doesn't have to know....."  
  
"She's got the brains of a flea anyway...."  
  
Une shot daggers at Wufei.  
  
"Aww, Wufei my snuggle-bunny...you have SUCH a sense of humour....."  
  
Sally cringed.  
  
"I'll move in with you, and I'll rent my apartment out to the rookies..."  
  
"All right...mine's bigger anyway."  
  
"And her bed's real comfy!" Quatre added.  
  
"You shouldn't have found that out before *me*!" Wufei muttered peevishly.  
  
".....I'll warn you now, though, I'm hell to live with..."  
  
"You're hell to work with..."  
  
Sally gasped. That comment had been supposed to be under her breath. Looks like the Dictaphone picked it up. Wufei raised his eyebrows at her as the Dictaphone continued to reveal their cringe-worthy secrets;  
  
"....I don't sleep with any clothes on...."  
  
"That's okay...neither do I....."  
  
Everyone burst into peals of laughter, except Trowa and Heero, who wouldn't admit it, but neither did they.  
  
"...Well I think it's dishonourable for women to sleep with no clothes on....."  
  
"Did I say no clothes? Well I do have a nice selection of thongs...four black, three white and one red...."  
  
"The red one's mine!" protested Noin. "Sally you little thief!"  
  
"And I wondered where my white one got to, too," Quatre chimed in, "Duo told me they were very fashionable!"  
  
"Well I guess Maxwell's a big fat liar," minced Dorothy.  
  
The Arabian began to blush on realizing he'd been taken for a fool. Wufei's voice continued through the Dictaphone:  
  
"Well I do tend to keep my socks on in bed..."  
  
"Oh really? How saucy. I don't wear underwired bras for bed, though...they dig in like crazy..."  
  
Sally was almost crying with embarrassment.  
  
"Well I heard on the news that Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian wears a push- up Wonderbra."  
  
Relena paled.  
  
"Well I heard she just had implants.."  
  
Dorothy grinned in triumph, pointing. "I knew it! I knew it, Miss Relena! Those breasts are phonies."  
  
"No, they're real, Heero, they're real!" Relena insisted. "I can show you if you like!"  
  
The prussian-eyed pilot began to blush furiously but thankfully his thick unruly bangs concealed this.  
  
Wufei's voice continued to drone:  
  
"Ah well I'll have you know, Woman, I want six children by the time I am thirty..."  
  
"No chance. I want to keep my figure....."  
  
"What figure.....I mean...keep it....how? Anything I should know...? I don't know much about women really...."  
  
"... you should know this: for one week each month , I become deathly ill and must be confined to bed straight after work, with magazines, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and plenty of TV, while you do every scrap of the housework and also you must make me breakfast in bed - or else I may die from lack of red blood cells. Trust me, I'm a doctor."  
  
The women in the room (all except Relena who was deeply ashamed of her bra) burst into a fit of giggles.  
  
"Breakfast in bed? You can't beat Honey-nut Loops...they're my all-time favourite."  
  
"Turn it off!" Wufei growled, his face purple.  
  
"Yes, come on, it's getting beyond a joke now," Relena pleaded, worried that anything else about herself might come to light. "Duo, turn the Dictaphone off."  
  
"Yes, I think poor Sally and Wufei have been humiliated enough now," Une agreed, not for Relena's sake, anyhow.  
  
"Well how about we all leave Sally and Wufei in peace," Quatre spoke up generously. "After all, it was me who spent all the money making this office into a honeymoon suite for them."  
  
"It's hardly that," Wufei huffed. "You've completely butchered our wedding day."  
  
"Well, you'd better make the *wedding night* worth it," Duo snickered. "You have fifteen minutes more of today, the time is 11.45pm. Well, come on folks, we've had our fun shaming the bride and groom, now we've all got nice warm beds to get home to."  
  
"And I do hope Mariemaia hasn't invited lot's of boys round to our house again whilst I've been out," Une mumbled. "Last time her 'secret' party was gate-crashed and I spent all the next day - my day OFF - cleaning up all the mess, whilst she moaned about her teenage spots. And she's only twelve years old !"  
  
"Guess we'd all better skiddaddle then," Noin agreed, winking at Sally, who frowned.  
  
The days events were seriously getting to her.  
  
*****  
  
TBC  
  
A.N: I'm actually feeling quite sorry for Sally and Wufei, seriously. I'd kill my friends if they put me through such torture ^^;; 


	5. Epilogue....for now :-D

A Technical Hitch  
  
By Ashy  
  
  
  
*~ Part 4~*  
  
A.N: This is the shortest chapter and could also serve as an epilogue ^_^  
  
*******  
  
"This has to be the worst wedding day I've ever had!" Sally exclaimed as soon as everyone had made their exit. "I've never been more embarrassed in my whole entire life."  
  
"Look at the state of this place," Wufei groaned, surveying the decor. "Whoever told Quatre I liked cut-out hearts?"  
  
The candles had been burning so long they were beginning to droop, depositing wax everywhere. Sally picked up the bottle of champagne and sighed.  
  
"But there's one thing in this room worth while," she said, and she wrapped her arms around her husband's waist, tilting her head back. "Give me a kiss."  
  
Wufei complied, and as they broke away, he saw that Sally's eyes were glistening with tears. As the pair sat down on the edge of the bed, she leaned into his arms and started to cry - not a lot - but enough to startle him. Sally never usually let her tears show.  
  
"What's the matter?" Wufei asked, his tone soft but urgent. "What have I done wrong now?"  
  
"Nothing. You're perfect. I love you," she sniffed, then forced a half- hearted laugh. "But this wedding day has been a compete disaster. It's now midnight, I'm exhausted, my hair is a mess, my mascara is all over my face, I look like a freakin' panda, my shoe is broken, my skirt is ripped, and to top it all off, I've had my most ridiculous secrets and the contents of my underwear drawer poured out to all and sundry. I wish life had a rewind button..."  
  
He put a finger to her lips and said, "Sally, even if it did, I would never rewind it."  
  
"Really?" her voice was skeptical.  
  
"Yes. Or else I'd still be with Meiran. And Treize would still be strutting around like King-Pin."  
  
Sally sighed deeply; "You know, Wufei, maybe you'd have been better off with Mieran anyway. At least she *looked* Chinese and probably had one or two more table manners than me..."  
  
Wufei was unsure of how to comfort her, but he was sure she needed it this time. Sally needing comforting was a very rare occurrence. He took a deep breath, then said, "You know I wouldn't want any other woman if she ate like a lady, talked like a lady or even walked like a lady."  
  
"That's so sweet, Wufei....wait a minute...are you saying I'm - "  
  
"I'm saying nothing, Woman - just that I...," Wufei attempted, then sighed, "Oh, I'm doing this wrong, aren't I?"  
  
Sally nodded. "Very_wrong."  
  
"Well, I love you. Is that enough?" Wufei answered finally. "Ever since we first met at in China when you were fighting with the rebels. I thought 'now there's a strong woman, she can handle artillery *and* she's got a great butt'. Um...have I said too much?"  
  
Sally coughed; "Wufei. That was enough."  
  
"I thought so. Are you okay now?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Sally replied, falling backwards onto the bed, still holding onto him, and closing her eyes. "Just fine."  
  
Wufei was secretly wondering if another intrusive device had been planted inside the room, and he guessed this thought had crossed his wife's mind also.  
  
He stifled a yawn and laid down on his side, resting on his elbow. He put his head against the soft material of her suit jacket. "You know, I can't be bothered opening that champagne."  
  
"Me neither," whispered Sally, eyes still closed, and she pressed up to her husband's warm chest, enjoying his familiar scent. "It's been an interesting day, and I never thought I'd say this, but right now, there's only one thing I want to use this bed for..."  
  
And Wufei couldn't have agreed more.  
  
****  
  
Whilst the Preventer Headquarter's was bathed in moonlight from the dark night's sky above, a lone figure sat characterisically hunched like a Prehistoric cave dweller over a laptop in the technician's room. He stared at the screen, anticipating what would be revealed to him - the images transferred from a spy camera nestled discreetly in a certain office below.  
  
"Hey Heero, what's going on down there?" his braided partner-in-crime inquired, entering with a coffee and a donut from the snack machine.  
  
But Heero didn't answer. He was still staring blankly, though looking slightly confused. Duo didn't notice this, however.  
  
"You know, when we threaten to put this tape on the big screen in the mess hall, Wufei's gonna pay us big money for sure to get it back off us," Duo snickered, showing all his teeth. "I'm sooo cunning."  
  
"It was my idea."  
  
Sure enough, Heero Yuy was in desperate need of the money, as his Preventer pay packet wouldn't stretch as far as the dazzling diamond engagement ring he'd seen in the jewellers. A ring for a certain Vice Foreign Minister. She would want nothing but the best, Dorothy had said. Heero was confident Wufei and Sally would derive the money from somewhere if they didn't want their gymnastics displayed during tomorrow's lunch hour........  
  
"Hey Heero, don't forget I'm getting half the cash. I helped you."  
  
"You_opened_the_laptop."  
  
"And I got you a coffee. Here. Now that deserves a quarter at least. Don't forget that fools gold ring I'm buying for Hilde...."  
  
Heero took the drink and moodily resumed his task of scrutinising every action shown on the screen. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any.  
  
"What are they doing, Heero?" Duo pressed.  
  
"Shh."  
  
Curious, the American snatched a look over Heero's shoulder, and both his violet eyes almost popped out of his head as he caught sight of the bed, on which there were two figures, fully clothed, arms entangled around each other - completely and utterly *fast asleep* !  
  
"Wufei and Sally - they've crashed out!" he exclaimed, flabbergasted. "They spent ALL evening trying to find some time alone and now that they have, the Dragon's run out of puff!"  
  
'What a disaster', Heero thought in dismay. How was he EVER going to get the money for that ring now? Relena would think him just a pauper! Heero frowned so hard his eyebrows knitted together, then he said solemnly; "If Relena won't marry me for what I am, Duo, then I'm going to ask you..."  
  
"Aww, Heero buddy, I'm so flattered," Duo expressed, grinning.  
  
"...to kill me."  
  
"Oh. Is that it?" Duo said in mock disappointment. "You know, I'd have made a beautiful bride...."  
  
Heero sighed, looking down into the screen; "There's still hope. There may be a faint chance they'll wake up yet. Wufei's a light sleeper.."  
  
"...And what's Relena got that I haven't? If I stood up in front of loads of bald old men, I could give a speech on peace just as good as her...," Duo continued, oblivious.  
  
"Be quiet."  
  
"My chest is real, too...not a speck of plastic..."  
  
"I said can you keep it down. "  
  
"....Well my *hair's* real at least."  
  
"You're trying my patience."  
  
Duo was determined to be a distraction; "I love you, Heero."  
  
"Ssssh!"  
  
"Hey, did I just kiss you?" he joked.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
And so this friendly banter continued through the night, whilst the bride and groom slept peacefully in their office, as the candles faded out. They were blissfully unaware that when the 'wedding morning' came, once again, they would be under the scrutiny of the camera. Shinigami may retire to the land of Nod eventually, but The Perfect Soldier would never ever sleep on a job. And neither would he stop until his mission was complete...  
  
*~The End~*..........for now. I feel a sequel coming on. There needs to be more. Hmmm, I haven't figured out a way for Sally and Wufei to get their own back (this'll do for now). Maybe they'll wreck the weddings of Heero and Relena, or Duo and Hilde. Maybe I'll do a sequel where Heero and Duo are trying to scrounge money....maybe they'll have to babysit Wufei and Sally's kids from hell, or maybe I'll just torture the rest of the cast as a fair punishment....*ah the possibilities* What would you like to see? And don't say lemon because I don't like lemons and humour...they just don't go at all I don't think.  
  
~ Ashy  
  
A.N: Well there it is. Any comments on this ridiculous fic to ashygirl_S@hotmail.com 


End file.
